Get up and do it

Marrying Kyle has led me into many adventures I never though I would be in... one being his family tradition of going to Hawaii every spring break. Due to scheduling, they decided to go early this year - and I was invited as Kyle's forever-friend. It was amazing, don't get me wrong, but there are a few things to readjust to as I'm back. The major issue being that I gained 8 pounds (yikes).

It's really depressing to know that I weigh more than I ever really wanted to... especially since I've been half-hardheartedly attempting trying to get in shape and lose a few over the last few years. Call it the ultimate motivation, if you will, but my sister is getting married in a month, and I really want to be in better shape for that - and for life. So instead of waiting for Kyle, or other people, I've decided to really push myself into doing things instead of getting lost in just researching how to be healthy, more fit, and lose weight.

I think the biggest struggle I have is that as a former dancer, I was super athletic. Maybe I wasn't ripped or anything, but I always knew that nothing would be an issue for me. I knew my strengths, my few physical weaknesses, my flexibility - everything. When I started gaining weight, I watched my body change, and things I'd always been able to do suddenly became near impossible. It is a very depressing downfall to observe on yourself. Why go on? Why try? It's never going to be the same. You will never be able to use dance in your future anyway. I could hear myself talking about how I looked. I always knew I wasn't as thin as other dancers, but now... why even put myself out there? I grew more and more embarrassed with my appearance and hated my body.

Stop.

Something has to change. This continuous need to be fit and in shape and to feel healthy and good about myself and what I was living for was always nagging at me. And I knew, even on that flight home from such a beautiful place that I would start now. I may have tried after Christmas - or said I would try anyway. But this time, things would be different. I would do it myself. Want it myself, for myself. I would own it. Own the desire to be fit and active again. No more wishing, hoping, or yearning. It would be me - my time, my chance, my opportunity.

Perhaps I will never dance again as I once have, but I think I am alright with that. If nothing else, I want to be in the best shape of my life. I'm young, married, not a mom yet, and have no job and therefore unlimited free time, I should be getting in shape!

My biggest hurdle to get over is myself. I just need to get up and simply do things. Not let each day float by me as I sit idly by (looking at you, pinterest).

Although I didn't start my workouts day one that we got back, I did start on day two! Sure, it's a lot of work, tracking what I eat, trying to eat 1200 calories a day (when I eat healthy, I under eat), doing extra exercises at every opportunity, saying no to extra sugar, drinking lots of water, drinking tea, making healthy meals, exercising the dog, doing chores around the house, keeping myself on track every day - but so far, it's worth it. I know there just has to be a positive outcome from all of this, and I'm super hopeful that it will be sooner than later.... ok, not too much, because I know it won't happen overnight, and I'm whole-lotta-sore today, but that's ok! I want to be in shape, and sore is good.